Santiago Hash House Harriers: Hash 140: Texas Pool Party Massacre

Early January brought us back to the tree-lined streets of northern Providencia for our first hash of the year. Hares No Cuntry for Old Men and Multiple Entry demonstrated the finer points of flour aesthetics. As you probably recall, the English word for "flour" is originally a variant of the word "flower." Both derive from the French word for fleur, which had the literal meaning "blossom," and a figurative meaning "the finest." Also, flour is so very beautiful.

Virgin Cormac's pose summons all the goodwill of Vanilla Ice.

We warmed up to Button Factory, led by hosts Octopussy and Stained Pants.

Circle the nipples of the air ever more gently, my friends. Do it slowly.

And then we were off! There were multiple feats of strength, none of which were captured. Every runner save Stain Pants skipped the initial limbo test and was punished soundly afterwards.

By the way, we need a new Hash Flash. Someone please volunteer for this prestigious post.

Have you seen my Uncle Fester impression? It's legit.

Speaking of stuff the runners missed: They ran by the most perfect, humanity-redeeming painting of Michael Jackson! Viewable only as you head East, the walkers basked in its glory.

Check out the painted gate to the left of the green wall.

"I just wish I could understand my father."

I just wish I could understand my father.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/michael_jackson.html#3aPgH83DGVKzLDKH.99

It's Michael Jackson!

Young Michael Jackson, sure, but likely his least controversial. We few who love MJ even post-Presley marriage are... rare. The slats facing west are uniquely painted to render MJ in all his glory. As you get closer, the image distorts.

"You're a vegetable!"

God bless you, weirdo homeowners of El Cerro 1973.

The runners had the excellent Sir Ladybug with them, so they took photographic evidence of their trotar-ing through the gross smoke that rolled in from the forests of the Valparaiso region. Remember it? It blanketed the city around 2:30pm, just in time to get in all our lungs.

Have you met Crack My Ass's invisible overweight girlfriend? She's not real.

"The poisonous fog is slow-acting!," celebrate the runners.

That man has the sekksiest calves.

After the run, in which some of the walkers stopped for conos of shame from McDonalds, we returned to Edificio Parque Constanero, home to the most annoying neighbors who complain about parties at 6pm in the afternoon, for circle time.

Couch Stain rubs Bi-Weekly Deposit's belly for luck. Octopussy makes unfortunate fashion choices.

Sump Pump welcomed the virgins, including Pussy Wagon's sister Paula, and invited them into the hash family.

Just remember kids, always masturbate with your RIGHT hand. Keep your left hand pure for the drinking.

Then our abusive neighbors started harassing the conserjes and we were asked to move sides of the building. The circle continued, and once again, Sewage foisted on us the silver bedpan of hash shame, for one lucky hasher to drink or wear, as fitting her crime. Octopussy was selected for failing to keep order in the circle.

Sewage struts the cat walk of the inner circle as if he were born to it.

The circle continued and many sins were punished. As there were no namings, we traded insults and beery goodness. Also, three people actually got in the pool.

Strip, Minor! always keeps a brave face when administering beer.

For some unrecalled grievance, one Chilean was identified for a down down. Of course, no one can drink alone. So when one Chilean drinks, they all drink!

And they're off, ladies and gentlemen! Cuban Nipple Crisis is off to an early lead, but Sir Turtle Head, Prune, Pussy Wagon, and Multiple Entry are right on his tail! Bi-Weekly Deposit appears to be spitting into his cup, for an even larger thirst to quench! The rarely-enjoyed Cunning Linguist and Mariachi Masturbator close their eyes and dig down deep for the home stretch! Strip, Minor can't handle the pressure!

The circle was declared fucked, and then we moved to the quincho space for grilling. Reverse Cowgirl brought a hula hoop, which was a huge hash hit.