Monday, 8 December 2014

Hash #164 - The Christmas Beach Hash!

 It started out a dull grey day. You couldn't even see the top of this monument to the distance between capital and the street. How symbolic... A little miffed at Stainpants, the RA, for letting us down with the weather, we made it to Flannery's, where our luxury transport awaited it's precious cargo to set out on our adventure to El Quisco!

This time, as is traditional for away hashes where our Beermeister is unable to join us, Bi-weekly Deposit, in an act of selflessness and dedication to the hash, went shopping for beer and brought it to us. A dozen Hashers in charge of all the beer for the day. Well, as they say: good stories begin with bad decisions.

 Here's Biweekly Deposit's mangled foot. He sacrifices for us in ways we cannot understand... Seriously, though, that's more blood than I've seen at a hash for months. Makes me cringe to just think how that must have felt. The cart, brimming with beers and weighing in around 150lbs, ran over Biweekly's foot - our very beer did this to him. Can't wait for him to get back to the hash. We'll have to give him a down-down, and the entire group may need another one to show our respect for Biweekly's incredible sacrifice.
So that's how we came to be in possession of so much beer. Now for how we got rid of it!

 14 of us underway a quarter past noon, thanks in no small part to Shits & Swallow's incredible reading skills (More on that later, as she received a new distinction for keeping the bus waiting an extra 30m: Tit of the Week! - Well done, Shits & Swallows!) we didn't manage to shove off until 45m after our appointed departure time. No matter. As you can see, everyone was quite studious, learning new curse words and combinations of puerile references to genitalia combined with the soothing melodies of Christmas carols. You can already see a couple of party animals in the back of the choir starting to loosen up...
 Have a drink, sing a song, repeat. It's not a terrible routine, really. Better than playing Beetle!

 OK. Here's where the Ecstasy clearly starts kicking in. See all those smiles? Strip, Minor! has taken to using a beer can as a microphone. It's getting serious.

 ...aaand it's a pee stop. Kindly bus driver told the group to just go on the side of the building, only the building turns out to be filled with official-looking folks in transit uniforms all facing west, towards the group outside.

 Mortified, Strip, Minor! starts running for the hills!

 She just gets faster & faster the farther she goes.

 So some business is taken care of, and everything goes quickly back to normal in the bus. 13 minutes all in. Not too shabby.

 We quickly circled up, and were off in the general direction of "this is the trail we always follow", only this time, it was beautifully marked for the trail-challenged, with at least a pound of flower with baking powder already added (self-rising) every ten yards. It was like an autobahn lane-marking...

 Wankers found the beer-stop first, on account of a bunch of California girls bailing on the runner's trail to follow their girlish desires and swim out to a banana boat that they could straddle grinning in the swelling seas... Anyway, this guy in the strange Santa hat showed up out of nowhere - claimed he was with the Hash. Seemed harmelss enough, so we let him stay & beered him in a manner befitting a Hash.

 There he is again - like the lawn-gnome from Ameile! This guy gets around!

 Making friends with the group. Those hats are infectious!

 Yup - we're at the beach with a growing number in our party donning light-up Christmas hats!

 And for good measure, here's a bumble-bee perching on the local flora,

 and a rock covered in bird-poop. It's what gives the mollusks that delicious flavor.

 Lovely view.

 Starting to feel like home - this is proper San Francisco summer weather.

 and another of those pesky hats...

 Then there was a circle, and it went on & on. It was even a little out of control for a bit that culminated in a re-naming! As you can see, gentle reader, the circled-out hasher can be an indoor pet. Everyone on their best behavior for Secret Santa!

Except for our host! Is there something in that bonnet? Ever the showman, Sir Sump Pump imposes order on the proceedings. Unfortunately, he was not able to hang on to the box of chocolates, because it was like life...

 As seen from the outside: Hashers enjoying their pagan rituals!

And some serious photography happening.

 A Barbie Doctor set! And they say Santa does not read people's letters.

And last, but not least, here's Mariachi Mansterbator with her slinky and the newly christened Lame Judy Skank! She took a big chance and ended up with something not nearly as terrible as she might have!

As usual, Sir Sump Pump's chili was delicious, and the trail laid by Sewage and Finger in the Dyke was shit! Well done, and thanks for the memories!

=======================Original Posting============================

Perros Locos, luxury bus transport, delicious chili cooked by Sir Sump Pump himself, Secret Santa, and that lovely beach air! What more can you ask for?

It's time for a Road Trip! - The world-famous SHHH Christmas Beach Hash is happening on December 20 at Sir Sump Pump and Sewage's palatial dog sanatorium, Casa Once Perros Locos. Bus leaves from Flannery's at 11:30am sharp! Sign up early for best seats.

And here is a clear example of the sort of immature behavior the Santiago Hashers would never engage in at all! Just a cautionary photo, really...
It's a confusing time for folks from the Northern Hemisphere here in the southern cone, where Christmas falls right smack in the middle of summer, and the mixed metaphors get really confused, with turning leaf decorations and fake snow mixed right up with bikinis and beaches and sweltering heat and bikinis...

To overcome the culture shock and just be happy, at this time tradition dictates and our gracious hosts host.
Our host, Sir Sump Pump, overcoming his natural shyness.

There's a Secret Santa:

...with proper Hash-y gifts:

Who will be wearing Stroke My Bono's gift this year? Looks like Sewage may have designs on it...

...and maybe even "just what I've always wanted" type gifts:

..but it's hard to say what will happen, because our Santa is a bit of a lush

and so Secret Santa gifts should be as inappropriate as possible, while keeping to the 2000CLP limit, of course. No matter. It's a great time. Here's what to expect:
  • Pre-pay 15000CLP (or 7000CLP if you're driving yourself) to Multiple Entry (details on Facebook, by mail, or PM on Meetup) ASAP. (Seriously - no pre-pay, no food or bus-ride...)
  • Go find a very silly Christmas Gift, costing no more than $2000 (yep, it's a challenge)
  • On Saturday, Dec 20th, meet at 11am outside Flannery's. The bus actually rolls out at 11:30, so don't be late! No refunds for missed bus.
  • Bring snacks, side-dishes, additional libations of your choosing, and anything non-alcoholic that you may need, as well as running clothes and a warm layer for evening... and sun-screen! How could I forget sun-screen.
  • Bus leaves at 11:30 sharp, arriving at Casa Once Perros Locos  around 2pm.
  • We run, we circle, we exchange clever gifts, drink beer, eat, possibly even dance a little, and then we get back on the bus and ride back to Flannery's leaving at 9pm and arriving ~11:30 - perfect time for a beer!

The Deets:

Hosts Sewage (Our visiting Papuan GM) & Sir Sump Pump
Hares Sewage and Finger-in-the-Dyke??
When Saturday December 20th 2014 Bus leaves from Flannery's promptly at 11:30. (Actual time, not Latin time)
Where Casa Once Perros Locos, El Quisco
What to Bring
  • Running or sporty walking clothes
  • A warm layer for later & the ride back
  • Footware that can handle some mildly rugged terrain and damp cool
  • A snack to share, and drink for the after-party. Esp. if you want non-alcoholic drinks, bring them.
  • A little cash for sundries en-route
  • Hasherdashery to show your colors, white socks (it's a rule..)
  • A bathing suit & a towel if you're going in the water
  • A wrapped Christmas present <= 2000CLP.
  • 500CLP per person to tip the bus driver at the end of the night (trust us - it's a wise investment)
What to Expect
Great Canadian-style Chili made with real kidney-beans. Sir Sump Pump will be cooking for us, so bring snacks/drinks.

$15000 including entertaining luxury transport from Flannery's (or $7000 if you're driving yourself). Payment details on Facebook (you must be a member of the group to access) or request the info. on Meetup. Remember,  pay ASAP to get a seat on the bus.

Please RSVP ASAP - whether or not you're taking the bus - it's just being nice to our host!

If you're planning on making a long week-end out of it, for example if you're driving & have the good fortune to stay the night nearby rather than drive back that evening, here is a list of potential accommodations scouted out by Sir Sump Pump and his friendly dog-pack:

Cabanas La Portada
09 222 4537
09 537 8503

Cabanas Santa Barbara
035 473 659
09 542 4699

casa y cabana
9 504 7434

Casa - 18 Bella Vista
9 190 4469

Cabanas La Princesa
035 47 3512
7 737 5536
6 149 2594

Cabanas Vera Verano
Pena Gris 631
09 449 1784
07 447 3813
09 059 5994
035 473 955

Sir Sump Pump's neighbour Osvaldo
9 258 6862

Also, Sunset Hotel (on El Quisco Beach, where we had the beer stop on a couple of Hashes)
035 (2) 474 845
6727 7690