Hash #164 - The Christmas Beach Hash!

 It started out a dull grey day. You couldn't even see the top of this monument to the distance between capital and the street. How symbolic... A little miffed at Stainpants, the RA, for letting us down with the weather, we made it to Flannery's, where our luxury transport awaited it's precious cargo to set out on our adventure to El Quisco!

This time, as is traditional for away hashes where our Beermeister is unable to join us, Bi-weekly Deposit, in an act of selflessness and dedication to the hash, went shopping for beer and brought it to us. A dozen Hashers in charge of all the beer for the day. Well, as they say: good stories begin with bad decisions.

 Here's Biweekly Deposit's mangled foot. He sacrifices for us in ways we cannot understand... Seriously, though, that's more blood than I've seen at a hash for months. Makes me cringe to just think how that must have felt. The cart, brimming with beers and weighing in around 150lbs, ran over Biweekly's foot - our very beer did this to him. Can't wait for him to get back to the hash. We'll have to give him a down-down, and the entire group may need another one to show our respect for Biweekly's incredible sacrifice.
So that's how we came to be in possession of so much beer. Now for how we got rid of it!

 14 of us underway a quarter past noon, thanks in no small part to Shits & Swallow's incredible reading skills (More on that later, as she received a new distinction for keeping the bus waiting an extra 30m: Tit of the Week! - Well done, Shits & Swallows!) we didn't manage to shove off until 45m after our appointed departure time. No matter. As you can see, everyone was quite studious, learning new curse words and combinations of puerile references to genitalia combined with the soothing melodies of Christmas carols. You can already see a couple of party animals in the back of the choir starting to loosen up...

 Have a drink, sing a song, repeat. It's not a terrible routine, really. Better than playing Beetle!

 OK. Here's where the Ecstasy clearly starts kicking in. See all those smiles? Strip, Minor! has taken to using a beer can as a microphone. It's getting serious.

 ...aaand it's a pee stop. Kindly bus driver told the group to just go on the side of the building, only the building turns out to be filled with official-looking folks in transit uniforms all facing west, towards the group outside.

 Mortified, Strip, Minor! starts running for the hills!

 She just gets faster & faster the farther she goes.

 So some business is taken care of, and everything goes quickly back to normal in the bus. 13 minutes all in. Not too shabby.

 We quickly circled up, and were off in the general direction of "this is the trail we always follow", only this time, it was beautifully marked for the trail-challenged, with at least a pound of flower with baking powder already added (self-rising) every ten yards. It was like an autobahn lane-marking...

 Wankers found the beer-stop first, on account of a bunch of California girls bailing on the runner's trail to follow their girlish desires and swim out to a banana boat that they could straddle grinning in the swelling seas... Anyway, this guy in the strange Santa hat showed up out of nowhere - claimed he was with the Hash. Seemed harmelss enough, so we let him stay & beered him in a manner befitting a Hash.

 There he is again - like the lawn-gnome from Ameile! This guy gets around!

 Making friends with the group. Those hats are infectious!

 Yup - we're at the beach with a growing number in our party donning light-up Christmas hats!

 And for good measure, here's a bumble-bee perching on the local flora,

 and a rock covered in bird-poop. It's what gives the mollusks that delicious flavor.

 Lovely view.

 Starting to feel like home - this is proper San Francisco summer weather.

 and another of those pesky hats...

 Then there was a circle, and it went on & on. It was even a little out of control for a bit that culminated in a re-naming! As you can see, gentle reader, the circled-out hasher can be an indoor pet. Everyone on their best behavior for Secret Santa!

Except for our host! Is there something in that bonnet? Ever the showman, Sir Sump Pump imposes order on the proceedings. Unfortunately, he was not able to hang on to the box of chocolates, because it was like life...

 As seen from the outside: Hashers enjoying their pagan rituals!

And some serious photography happening.

 A Barbie Doctor set! And they say Santa does not read people's letters.

And last, but not least, here's Mariachi Mansterbator with her slinky and the newly christened Lame Judy Skank! She took a big chance and ended up with something not nearly as terrible as she might have!

As usual, Sir Sump Pump's chili was delicious, and the trail laid by Sewage and Finger in the Dyke was shit! Well done, and thanks for the memories!

=======================Original Posting============================

Perros Locos, luxury bus transport, delicious chili cooked by Sir Sump Pump himself, Secret Santa, and that lovely beach air! What more can you ask for?

It's time for a Road Trip! - The world-famous SHHH Christmas Beach Hash is happening on December 20 at Sir Sump Pump and Sewage's palatial dog sanatorium, Casa Once Perros Locos. Bus leaves from Flannery's at 11:30am sharp! Sign up early for best seats.

And here is a clear example of the sort of immature behavior the Santiago Hashers would never engage in at all! Just a cautionary photo, really...

It's a confusing time for folks from the Northern Hemisphere here in the southern cone, where Christmas falls right smack in the middle of summer, and the mixed metaphors get really confused, with turning leaf decorations and fake snow mixed right up with bikinis and beaches and sweltering heat and bikinis...

To overcome the culture shock and just be happy, at this time tradition dictates and our gracious hosts host.

Our host, Sir Sump Pump, overcoming his natural shyness.

There's a Secret Santa:

...with proper Hash-y gifts:

Who will be wearing Stroke My Bono's gift this year? Looks like Sewage may have designs on it...

...and maybe even "just what I've always wanted" type gifts:

 

..but it's hard to say what will happen, because our Santa is a bit of a lush

and so Secret Santa gifts should be as inappropriate as possible, while keeping to the 2000CLP limit, of course. No matter. It's a great time. Here's what to expect:

• Pre-pay 15000CLP (or 7000CLP if you're driving yourself) to Multiple Entry (details on Facebook, by mail, or PM on Meetup) ASAP. (Seriously - no pre-pay, no food or bus-ride...)
• Go find a very silly Christmas Gift, costing no more than $2000 (yep, it's a challenge)
• On Saturday, Dec 20th, meet at 11am outside Flannery's. The bus actually rolls out at 11:30, so don't be late! No refunds for missed bus.
• Bring snacks, side-dishes, additional libations of your choosing, and anything non-alcoholic that you may need, as well as running clothes and a warm layer for evening... and sun-screen! How could I forget sun-screen.
• Bus leaves at 11:30 sharp, arriving at Casa Once Perros Locos  around 2pm.
• We run, we circle, we exchange clever gifts, drink beer, eat, possibly even dance a little, and then we get back on the bus and ride back to Flannery's leaving at 9pm and arriving ~11:30 - perfect time for a beer!

The Deets:

Hosts	Sewage (Our visiting Papuan GM) & Sir Sump Pump
Hares	Sewage and Finger-in-the-Dyke??
When	Saturday December 20th 2014 Bus leaves from Flannery's promptly at 11:30. (Actual time, not Latin time)
Where	Casa Once Perros Locos, El Quisco
What to Bring	Running or sporty walking clothes A warm layer for later & the ride back Footware that can handle some mildly rugged terrain and damp cool A snack to share, and drink for the after-party. Esp. if you want non-alcoholic drinks, bring them. A little cash for sundries en-route Hasherdashery to show your colors, white socks (it's a rule..) A bathing suit & a towel if you're going in the water A wrapped Christmas present <= 2000CLP. 500CLP per person to tip the bus driver at the end of the night (trust us - it's a wise investment)
What to Expect	Great Canadian-style Chili made with real kidney-beans. Sir Sump Pump will be cooking for us, so bring snacks/drinks.
Cost	$15000 including entertaining luxury transport from Flannery's (or $7000 if you're driving yourself). Payment details on Facebook (you must be a member of the group to access) or request the info. on Meetup. Remember,  pay ASAP to get a seat on the bus.

Please RSVP ASAP - whether or not you're taking the bus - it's just being nice to our host!

P.S.
If you're planning on making a long week-end out of it, for example if you're driving & have the good fortune to stay the night nearby rather than drive back that evening, here is a list of potential accommodations scouted out by Sir Sump Pump and his friendly dog-pack:

Cabanas La Portada

www.cabanaslaportada.cl

09 222 4537

09 537 8503

Cabanas Santa Barbara

035 473 659

09 542 4699

casa y cabana

9 504 7434

Casa - 18 Bella Vista

9 190 4469

Cabanas La Princesa

035 47 3512

7 737 5536

6 149 2594

Cabanas Vera Verano

Pena Gris 631

www.elquiscotur.cl

vera.verano@gmail.com

09 449 1784

07 447 3813

09 059 5994

035 473 955

Sir Sump Pump's neighbour Osvaldo

9 258 6862

Also, Sunset Hotel (on El Quisco Beach, where we had the beer stop on a couple of Hashes)

reservas@hotelsunset.cl

035 (2) 474 845

6727 7690

Hash #163 - Once in a Brew Moon...

By all accounts (mostly just this one so far...) it was a lovely Hash. Although we were expecting only 10 to 15 hashers, the ranks swelled to 24 as the hour arrived! We circled outside the front door to get the ball rolling, and did our traditional Father Abraham warmup. Spoodgebob Stainpants, our Religious Adviser, was just back from a tour of Asia and the Sub-continent where he apparently was attacked by hostiles that gnawed his kneecaps off, because he was on crutches, tranqued-out, and failed miserably at the leg part of the warmup.

It looked like he didn't even try, and as the alcohol mixed with the tranqs a bit later, Stainpants slipped into a powerful new reality, kissed the girls, sang some songs, and made fun of televangelists by casting off his crutches and doing a little dance. Chances are he has no memory of all this acting out, so if you see him, mum's the word!

So our gracious host No-name Lorena and Spank My Schnitzel briefly explained the trail, which meandered beautifully around Barrio Brasil, and we were off and running, and walking, and hobbling like a horde from a Jodorowski movie... As your Grand Master it is my responsibility to be kind to those less fortunate, so I just walked the ailing Stainpants straight to the beer-stop, where we warmed up the seating and alerted the locals to the impending arrival of our little posse while being very very quiet about the soccer game in progress. Chilenos take their soccer fairly seriously, so any innocent off-hand remark indicating a lack of clear preference for the team favored at the bar could easily have resulted in scuffles, or worse.

It's a beautiful thing, a bunch of Hashers close to brew...

The beer-stop was brilliant, with delicious amber craft beer flowing freely along with a pitcher of amber ale to cleanse the palate, and the temperature a placid 76. Good work, hares! This is in no small part why such a well-rounded and low score was administered for your efforts. One of those perfect early summer afternoons. Of course we were outside, and that carries some risks. Here we can see that NoName JyBy, on the far right of the photograph, has been victimized by a street urchin that took his beer and put a clown-nose on him for good measure. Note his hand, still holding the now-missing beer. After the beer stop it all gets a little fuzzy...

We made our way back to our labyrinthine locale, where finding the quincho quickly became an entertaining exercise in reconnoitering, as there were three buildings, two elevator rides, and a third-floor courtyard in between, all thrown in for good measure between the front door and our beloved brew.

Innuendo at every turn while navigating the maze...

 Once in position, we circled up and introduced the virgins. Welcome, Cheryl, Daniel, Joanne, Mariangles, Nerio, and Shari! With so many virgins and a full moon, it's a wonder we weren't overrun by vampires! Nice to see Aussies & Venezolanos back in the fold, too!

In any case, we immediately set Fuck Off! to the task of joining in every down-down. You see, gentle readers, Fuck Off! is leaving us, and this is the gentler side of the punishments a hash must properly administer to those who dare leave the fold. Fuck Off is fucking off to Milan, Italy, where she's been promised an undergrment modeling contract by these guys who must be very rich because they wore lots of heavy gold jewelry. Seriously: safe travels and enjoy the scenery. No Cuntry for Old Men's 30th anniversaroid came up, as well as many, many sins from the trail, where it appears virtually every hasher failed the physical trial! (Buck up people. These are going to get tougher before they get easier again!) and so, many down-downs were decreed by Stainpants and administered by our gracious piss-pourer, No Cuntry.

Once the circle was fucked Shits & Swallows took an early leave to prepare for her performance (yes - she's that kind of girl), and the rest of us got around to eating some Choripan. The pot-luck pickings were quite thin, but I blame myself for not being more emphatic about the collaborative nature of the hash. Just so there's no doubt: bring stuff to share at the Hash - this means you.

It's always a good idea and makes for a much more entertaining on-after. Canapes and side-dishes are always welcome, and additional grill items are always appreciated and make Hashers and dogs like you better.

So we close it up once more for two weeks until Hash 164 - The Christmas Beach Hash! See you there.

-Your friendly local GM,
Multiple Entry

On on!
==========================Original Announcement======================

December 6 - so many things to celebrate, so few brews... For starters, it's a full moon, and our first bonified starting-after-the-worst-heat-of-the-day, 5pm hash! Then, there's Finland declaring its independence from Russia in 1917, and Joseph Rainey (SC) becoming the very first black Congressman in 1870, 5 years to the day after the ratification of the 13th amendment, Pablo Neruda marrying someone in Batavia on the same day in 1930... yadda yadda. You would think Dec 6 fell on a full moon all those years. But then there was the Free Concert at Altamont in 1969, which basically looked like a Hash, but with 300,000 people...

Well... you know how the East Bay can be. Anyway, it was such a mess that the Dead, who basically organized the thing, didn't even bother to show up. 4 people died at that concert, and another 4 were born. - OK - maybe it was a little more disorganized than a Hash....

Celebrating the 45th anniversary of the Altamont Free Concert, which featured Santana, The Flying Burrito Brothers, Jefferson Airplane, and Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, and the Rolling Stones! (Unfortunately, the ones among those still living did not answer our invitation to the hash)

Come out for a run, possibly a craft-brewed beer-stop, courtesy of our host, No-name Lorena, and our hares, No-name Lorena and Spank My Schnitzel, and a little beer & choripan afterwards...

..Here's the deets:

• What: Hash #163: Once in a Brew Moon
• When: Saturday December 6th at 5pm
• Where: Huérfanos 1490. 
• How Much: $4.000 gets you in, gets you beer and choripan, plus a special surprise!
• What to Bring:
  - extra food (cocktail food, food for vegetarians, anything that strikes your fancy)
  - extra libations (particularly if you're of the non-alcoholic persuasion: "We don't judge.")
  
• How to find it: Get your directions from Google Maps here. It's quite accessible.

There's details on Meetup, if you need to direct folks there..

** For the uninitiated:
We are a drinking group with a running problem. If that sounds a little de trop, don't worry. It is. We follow hashing traditions, singing songs, drinking beer, and following silly rules. We start with a ~7k run / 4k walk (your choice), then do our circly ritual, sing some ribald songs, and finally we relax, and eat a little. This time we're expecting 10-25 hashers. Come check it out, or join us next time, on December 20, when our traditional luxury beach retreat and Secret Santa extravaganza basically guarantees everybody gets out nice &
טָמֵא.