The hills are alive... with the sound of... @)#)(*@!!

Despite the dropping temperatures, we all gathered at the Vitacura abode of Multiple Entry and Alex for the Viva Vitacura Hash, and by God, we viva-ed Vitacura.  Book of Whoremoans (how ridiculous is that... not Hormones, but WHOREMOANS... was their ever a Hash name more appropriate?) set off about 20 minutes before the rest of us to set his live trail of punishment.  Meanwhile, we welcomed some virgins, Octopussy showed us what flour looks like, and we tried to remember our right from our left during Father Abraham.  

Octopussy is active in the Flour Conservation Front, therefore marked the trail with thumbprints of flour.  The walkers appreciate and respect her cause, but punished her for getting them lost nonetheless.  

The runners were led easily into Book of Whoremoans' trap which turned out to be more of an obstacle course than a run.  

Up the stairs?  Eff that....

No Trespassing is Hash Speak for ON ON

less Sound of Music, more Sound of Explatives

Lying bastard.

And there was much rejoicing... 

Seriously... what a prick...

Here lies a hashed out hasher

SO... to recap.  There were 25 checkpoints, a barbed/wire fence, a hill of doom, taunting "so close" messages when we were not in fact "so close", a reminder that what goes up, must come down, through a CACTUS FOREST, more running, and a dead hasher.  What does that spell?  It spells Down Down... like 6 times.  

Back at the ranch, we corralled everyone into a tight, tight, indoor circle, where punishments were doled out for all the sins of the universe.

"You're just lucky I don't have a bag of unripened avocados to beat you with "

Seriously guys... new shoes?  When will we learn?  How many hashers know what a stinky/ass foot cocktail tastes like... waaaay too many.

Then Just Alex (our host), FINALLY got her name whilst kneeling in her own living room.  Welcome, officially, No Cuntry for Old Men, to the Hash Family.

Have a hottie naughty Christmas! It's the breast time of the year!

Last weekend on July 20th was the Christmas in July Hash hosted by the Black Rock Pub.  It was also my despedida!  That was sad.  But it was a great day!

Sir Sump Pump thought that if he put a light-up dog collar on me it would keep me in line.

"You will be a beacon of light and hope for all dogs in Santiago."

But he was wrong.

You there!  I demand that you shake it like a Polaroid picture!

The pre-run circle was normal (by Hash standards)...

"Ok gang.  How do we feel about Roberto?"

"We like him!"

Then the run!  Hares Octopussy, Quarter Bouncer and French Polisher led the group on a trail north of the Mapocho and...through the sculpture park. 

wait...oh no...oh SWEET JESUS

THEY'RE ESCAPING

The trail brought us to a beer stop (yay!), which was actually a delicious-holiday-jello-shot stop.

The phrase "never accept candy from strangers" comes to mind. 

In exchange for taking our picture, we gave a group of underage kids extra jello shots.  Then we were all like, "hell yeah tell your friends. We're better then hobos that will go into the liquor store for you."

Sir Sump Pump forgets that Superman isn't Canadian.  Bruce and Bi-Weekly Deposit forget they are not Power Rangers.  And Roberto forgets he is not MC Hammer.

Then...off we went again.

The jello shots haven't worn off yet. 

I feel like the jello shots are irrelevant in this photo. 

Back at the Black Rock, we started up the circle.  I was forced to sit in the middle and take a down-down with everyone.  (awesome)

"ah well if you twist my arm..."

There were prizes for the most creative Christmas outfit and ugliest sweater.

KY Not: "Actually, moonlighting at a Cafe con Piernas is great!"
Come Swim With Me: "Yeah!  Wanna see some of our moves?"

Hand-stitched holiday sweater trivia game.  No sarcasm here - that was cool. 

There was also a secret Santa. 

"Ok everybody, let's make a line to sit on my lap.  Otherwise it's too disorganized."
"Uh Sir Sump Pump?  that's not how a Secret Santa works..."

And of course, gratuitous drinking.  

Slap this man's face on an Escudo billboard, he looks so damn happy

knees bent, heels down, back straight...good form!

My taste buds are having an awakening.

Finally I, Easy As 123, am proud to say that I was welcomed into The Order of the Purple Pukus.  My...ahem...less than dignified inauguration is captured in this next series of photos. 

I have brought shame to my family.

After the circle, we had a DELICIOUS Christmas dinner, completely with turkey, ceviche, all the sides and toppings and wine and holy crap I am salivating just thinking about it.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I didn't go to Flannery's because I went home because I was wasted.

All in all it was a wonderful Hash.  A big thanks to the Black Rock for hosting us and putting on such a delicious meal, and to French Polisher and Co. for organizing the events.  

A special good bye note to all of you Hashers: 

You are some of the coolest people I've ever met.  Stay weird, stay in touch, and ON ON ♥

-Easy As 123