Gettin' down... Phoenix-Style

We returned to old faithful, Bi-Weekly Deposit's home, (seriously is this guy not the best for allowing this nonsense to take place in his home over and over again?), where in the absence of some of our fearless leaders, Moon Job and Cummming Up For Air filled in flawlessly.  We circled up, anxiously awaiting our exotic-sounding "Phoenix-Style" run set by Prune and Cuban Nipple Crisis. 

We welcomed back some familiar faces.  As you can see, Viagra Vixen is beaming with a type of joy that only Father Abraham can bring... I mean he does have seven sons... 

Needless to say we got a very vague description of what Phoenix-Style would mean for us, and then we headed off. 

Expectations:

Reality:

This trail reeks of bullshit.

But, we remained in good spirits, as we chanted about teamwork, at least for awhile.

But seriously, the marks/instructions might as well have been written/explained in these:

Running six blocks only to find an X that shatters dreams resulted in in a (stay with me here) "candy cane-swirlysquare-halfdiamond-sunrise-sunrise-shutters bird-candycane-candycane sunrise-creepyeyeball-bird-halfdiamond-majesticlion". Seriously "doublezigzag-sunrise-triangleheadedsnake"???

This picture perfectly sums up the day:

The walkers just gave up and returned to the beer (walkers are so wise) and the runners ran close to 10K before it was all said and done.  In the post-run circle, Moon Job relished in his new found power and adequately doled out punishments to the hares.  Prune took it like a freaking champ.

We welcomed two new members into the Hash family.  Eventually the talks of U2 fanaticism and boinking Swedes lead to the introduction of Stroke My Bono and Nordic Nibbler.

Nothing says "Welcome to the family!!" like eggs, beer and flour atop your noggin.  

The next Hash with undoubtedly be "Santiago-Style" as we cueca-in the Fiestas Patrias.  Until then hashers, "wiltingflower-zigzag wiltingflower-zigzag!!"

Next Hash #131 - Saturday 31st August

NAME:  #131 -   Full Moon  Hash

HOST : Bi-Weekly Deposit

HARES: Cuban Nipple Crisis and associates

TIME : meet at 2pm for a 2.30pm start running.

ADDRESS: Simon Bolivar 5441 Nuñoa (it is house, not apartment)

BBQ : yes! Bring some food and extra drinks for when the hash beer runs out!

Cost : 3 luca for the hash

Metro : Simon Bolivar. (Map below)

 

 

The hills are alive... with the sound of... @)#)(*@!!

Despite the dropping temperatures, we all gathered at the Vitacura abode of Multiple Entry and Alex for the Viva Vitacura Hash, and by God, we viva-ed Vitacura.  Book of Whoremoans (how ridiculous is that... not Hormones, but WHOREMOANS... was their ever a Hash name more appropriate?) set off about 20 minutes before the rest of us to set his live trail of punishment.  Meanwhile, we welcomed some virgins, Octopussy showed us what flour looks like, and we tried to remember our right from our left during Father Abraham.  

Octopussy is active in the Flour Conservation Front, therefore marked the trail with thumbprints of flour.  The walkers appreciate and respect her cause, but punished her for getting them lost nonetheless.  

The runners were led easily into Book of Whoremoans' trap which turned out to be more of an obstacle course than a run.  

Up the stairs?  Eff that....

No Trespassing is Hash Speak for ON ON

less Sound of Music, more Sound of Explatives

Lying bastard.

And there was much rejoicing... 

Seriously... what a prick...

Here lies a hashed out hasher

SO... to recap.  There were 25 checkpoints, a barbed/wire fence, a hill of doom, taunting "so close" messages when we were not in fact "so close", a reminder that what goes up, must come down, through a CACTUS FOREST, more running, and a dead hasher.  What does that spell?  It spells Down Down... like 6 times.  

Back at the ranch, we corralled everyone into a tight, tight, indoor circle, where punishments were doled out for all the sins of the universe.

"You're just lucky I don't have a bag of unripened avocados to beat you with "

Seriously guys... new shoes?  When will we learn?  How many hashers know what a stinky/ass foot cocktail tastes like... waaaay too many.

Then Just Alex (our host), FINALLY got her name whilst kneeling in her own living room.  Welcome, officially, No Cuntry for Old Men, to the Hash Family.

Have a hottie naughty Christmas! It's the breast time of the year!

Last weekend on July 20th was the Christmas in July Hash hosted by the Black Rock Pub.  It was also my despedida!  That was sad.  But it was a great day!

Sir Sump Pump thought that if he put a light-up dog collar on me it would keep me in line.

"You will be a beacon of light and hope for all dogs in Santiago."

But he was wrong.

You there!  I demand that you shake it like a Polaroid picture!

The pre-run circle was normal (by Hash standards)...

"Ok gang.  How do we feel about Roberto?"

"We like him!"

Then the run!  Hares Octopussy, Quarter Bouncer and French Polisher led the group on a trail north of the Mapocho and...through the sculpture park. 

wait...oh no...oh SWEET JESUS

THEY'RE ESCAPING

The trail brought us to a beer stop (yay!), which was actually a delicious-holiday-jello-shot stop.

The phrase "never accept candy from strangers" comes to mind. 

In exchange for taking our picture, we gave a group of underage kids extra jello shots.  Then we were all like, "hell yeah tell your friends. We're better then hobos that will go into the liquor store for you."

Sir Sump Pump forgets that Superman isn't Canadian.  Bruce and Bi-Weekly Deposit forget they are not Power Rangers.  And Roberto forgets he is not MC Hammer.

Then...off we went again.

The jello shots haven't worn off yet. 

I feel like the jello shots are irrelevant in this photo. 

Back at the Black Rock, we started up the circle.  I was forced to sit in the middle and take a down-down with everyone.  (awesome)

"ah well if you twist my arm..."

There were prizes for the most creative Christmas outfit and ugliest sweater.

KY Not: "Actually, moonlighting at a Cafe con Piernas is great!"
Come Swim With Me: "Yeah!  Wanna see some of our moves?"

Hand-stitched holiday sweater trivia game.  No sarcasm here - that was cool. 

There was also a secret Santa. 

"Ok everybody, let's make a line to sit on my lap.  Otherwise it's too disorganized."
"Uh Sir Sump Pump?  that's not how a Secret Santa works..."

And of course, gratuitous drinking.  

Slap this man's face on an Escudo billboard, he looks so damn happy

knees bent, heels down, back straight...good form!

My taste buds are having an awakening.

Finally I, Easy As 123, am proud to say that I was welcomed into The Order of the Purple Pukus.  My...ahem...less than dignified inauguration is captured in this next series of photos. 

I have brought shame to my family.

After the circle, we had a DELICIOUS Christmas dinner, completely with turkey, ceviche, all the sides and toppings and wine and holy crap I am salivating just thinking about it.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I don't know what's happening here because by this point I was wasted.

I didn't go to Flannery's because I went home because I was wasted.

All in all it was a wonderful Hash.  A big thanks to the Black Rock for hosting us and putting on such a delicious meal, and to French Polisher and Co. for organizing the events.  

A special good bye note to all of you Hashers: 

You are some of the coolest people I've ever met.  Stay weird, stay in touch, and ON ON ♥

-Easy As 123

Hash #129 - Saturday 3rd August

Hashers!

For those of you who survived the gorge-fest what was the all-singing-all dancing Christmas In July hash, we are regouping for another round of winter wonderland fun in Vitacura at the fine apartment of ‘Multiple Entry’ and Alex who have promised to cook up a storm to chase away the winter chills.

So join us for a stroll around the leafy Vitacura backstreets and a song or two followed by some choice fine ales next weekend!

 

HASH Nº 129  - Viva Vitacura Hash

DATE: Saturday, August 3rd

TIME:   2 PM  (so get there on time!)

PLACE:  Paseo Lo Matta 1311, Vitacura  (just across the freeway from Alto Las Condes mall)

MAP:   Paseo Lo Matta 1311

METRO:   not really near the metro but bus C11, C03, C15 or 416e.  So many options!

HOST:    Multiple Entry and “Just Alex”

HARES:  Bookofwhoremoans and Multiple Entry?

COST: $3000

AFTER: NO Asado this time!   Bring picnic style food to share, empandas, soup, ready to eat or easy-to-heat up stuff!  (and maybe some drinks for after the hash beer runs out..).